best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
