Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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