I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
