Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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