we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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