my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
