Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
