# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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