maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
