I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
