take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize