How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
