The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A bitchslap is in order.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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