SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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