I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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