I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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