You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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