made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize