I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
