Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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