"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
