sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
