We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
