I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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