So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
