Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
