Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
