I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
