using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
