About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize