my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
