Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
