I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
