look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
