so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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