If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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