I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
