Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
