he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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