she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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