a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
