He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
