You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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