how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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