Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
