I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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