i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
