You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
