i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
