My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
