i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
