The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
