I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
