My brain says no but my pants say off.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
