So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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