What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize