The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
