So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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