You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
