Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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